The Strong Woman Trap
 

Are you the one who saves the day at work?

Does your family expect you to do it all when you get home? Perhaps you used to like being thought of as reliable, but you long for a life of your own again—one with fewer emergency circumstances and people who need lots of "help."

It isn't just you. Many women have been socialized to quietly pick up the slack and not complain—this is a setup for isolation, second guessing, and waiting for rewards that never come. This is what Sasha Mobley calls The Strong Woman Trap. We are playing too hard at a rigged game that we didn't create. We spend our energies managing demands and treat our own emotions and needs as irrelevant.

Sasha provides a hard look at the cultural beliefs that set strong, driven, ambitious women up for a life spent constantly saving others from themselves, filling in gaps, and going it alone like a hybrid of Wonder Woman and Working Girl.

The Strong Woman Trap is the book is for women who spend their spare moments looking wistfully through magazines telling themselves their dreams are just one more personal sacrifice away. Wishes won’t get you there. Neither will doubling down on old strategies. What will get you there is learning the secrets to escaping The Strong Woman Trap. [Reviews]

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Reviews

This book is for every woman who grew up with the belief that we have to work “hard” to be successful. That meant doing everything ourselves. We never learned to listen to our body and take care of ourselves rst. We were secretly playing the martyr and feeling like everyone else needed us to be strong. We must learn to ll our day with time for ourselves - to refresh and recharge - so that whatever we do, we bring our best self forward.
This book shows us what a strong woman really looks like. Sasha Mobley writes about her own story with vulnerability and truth. This book gives you the tools to reframe what a strong woman really is and how to stop the struggle. I highly recommend this book.
— Sherold Barr, Master Coach And Business Mentor
A compact, feminist self-help manual that encourages women to stop trying to save others and instead save themselves.
Mobley (Agile!, 2014), a self-proclaimed “Wonder Woman,” draws on her own life experiences to show readers how they can use their “strength, intelligence and talents to be far more than the glue that holds life together” for other people. For much of her adult life, the author says, she was addicted to cleaning up others’ messes and was determined to prove she could do it all, including succeeding in the male-dominated technology industry and pushing herself to her physical limits with exercise. But it came at a cost, and stress and health problems eventually forced her to re-evaluate how she approached her life. Now a life coach, Mobley aims to help women give themselves permission to say “no” to needy friends, family, and co-workers. She also urges them to re- evaluate their impulses to act as rescuers or micromanagers. Once women stop dedicating so much time to tasks that “drain our personal energy,” she says, they can focus on discovering and ful lling their own unique purposes. The idea that modern women are overburdened and overstretched isn’t revolutionary, but Mobley offers a slightly different spin on the topic. Most refreshingly, she sees her self-improvement tips as both a personal and political project, rejecting the tired idea that women as a group can improve their situation solely by changing their own thinking and behavior: “Want to be less tired? Get behind feminism,” she urges in a chapter on the ongoing ght for women’s rights. She’s also funny and self-deprecating, peppering her book with anecdotes from her own life in a friendly, engaging style. The result is a work that’s more like a heart-to-heart with a friend than an overwhelming to-do list. Even readers who are skeptical about the value of self-help tomes may warm to this effort.
A rallying cry for women who are tired of carrying the world on their shoulders.
— Kirkus, KirkusReviews.com
The Strong Woman Trap is an important read. At least, it was for me, and I imagine it will be for a lot of other women too. Women who feel like it’s their duty to x singlehandedly every single problem presented to them by family, friends, the dog and the guy next door. Sasha is a delightful author, her personal stories and friendly way of writing made me feel like we were swapping stories over a latte at the nearest Starbucks. I saw myself in this book, and her method of presenting strategies for change made me feel like they were doable, not impossible. This book left me feeling uplifted, hopeful, and understood. I very highly recommend this to any woman who wishes she didn’t always have to play the superhero.
— Kerri Antes, Kerri Antes Photography
You would think as technology advances, we’d have less work to do. Think about it though—we have more inboxes than ever, we have more connections than ever. Yet we’re more disconnected than ever.
There’s a saying about giving work to whoever is the busiest—because they know how to get more work done. But is that all we are? Working for the sake of work? What happens when our armor no longer protects us, but anchors us?
Sasha’s book is oriented to women who feel they have to do everything—but it’s become everyone’s story. Between your day job, your night hobby, going to the gym, your home life, your social life, social media, and how you promote a false week/weekend balance—where do you leave time for yourself? How do you keep space for yourself to relax, expand, and recover? That’s the core challenge presented in Sasha’s book—you don’t have to take on all comers. You don’t have to respond to every challenge—a few challenges are more than plenty.
— Travis S. Collier

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